How I see me, through how others see me

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How I see me, through how others see me

Post by Admin on Fri Apr 14, 2017 7:19 pm

Catchy title huh?
This is all anxiety. A condition I myself didn't believe existed untill roughly a year or so ago. I thought it was just a get out for lazy bastards that fancied a handout from the state. After a few private conversations (no names) im aware im not the only one who thought like this.

It doesn't sound like anything. its ridiculous. Try to explain it? Try and sum it up. It is all but impossible. "I dont want to go outside... everyone will stop and look at me confused and disgusted"... THIS IS MY BRAIN. Sometimes better, sometimes worse. I am in constant fear, and fear really is the word, that everyone is judging and staring at me. Im just a guy walking through the street. Nothing out of the ordinary. However in my mind, I may as well be walking upside down and inside out.

Stranger, foe or indeed friend it makes no difference. My mind tries to convince itself that all 7 billion other human beings in the world are here to ruin my short and pointless time on this rock. I never know who is on my side and who is here purely to fuck me over. Don't get me wrong.... im 99.99999999999999999% sure that nobody has any desire to "do me over"... but that is anxiety in a sentence. It doesn't make sense. Its as if I have compltley forgotten how to be around other human beings, and how to keep and make new friendships and relationships.

In summary...

Anxiety is an incredibly lonely place and it constantly seeks out ways to make it more so. In a way it is a compltley one sided fight, one that i am unable to see a way out of. One thing is for sure.... it is a very scary thing... and very very unfair

Iain




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